Reflecting on 2020…
Happy New Year!! Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels
Hey there! Gather ‘round because if you are reading this, you made it the last day of 2020!! This year has been filled with novel challenges, pulled the covers off the challenges that continue to plague us, and is one none of are likely to forget. The covid-19 pandemic, racial and social injustice, the illumination of the educational, health, and economic disparities in our nation, and the changes in how we live, work, and play among each other created sudden and drastic impact on all of us in myriad ways. You may have discovered some things about yourself and those around you this year. Consider the answer that comes to your mind with these questions:
How do you handle acute stress?
Do you have a solid support system?
Are you in a career that you love?
If something were to happen to you today, do you have the documents you need to ensure those you care for will be okay?
If you had to spend a whole year in an apartment/house/room with one person, who would that be?
Do the people around you accept you without judgment?
Do you really LIKE the people that you have been calling your friends? s
Do you have a hobby?
These, among other questions, spoke to me and many of those I know in my own life and the clients I work with professionally as well. If this year- complete with lockdowns and quarantines- didn’t present you with moments to reflect on your life, your goals, etc., then I’m not sure what could.
The end of every year is often a time of reflection. It’s very easy to frame these reflections in a pessimistic way, thinking about unachieved goals, missed opportunities, and looking towards the new year with a sense of urgency to fix what was broken the year before. THAT is not the makings of an optimistic start to the next year. It’s driven more by a fear of failure and is an unfair obligation. Essentially, it doesn’t promote your wellness. It can get in the way. Furthermore, typical New Year’s goals and resolutions are often in our heads like “I’m going to quit/stop/lose XYZ.” It’s framed as you running away from something and not running towards something.
So instead try this for 2021:
Instead of resolutions, try to pick one word or phrase/mantra that you want to guide the things you do in the new year. A word like “intentional” can be broadly applied to the idea that regardless of what you choose to do in 2021, you will do it with intention. Not haphazardly and not without full commitment to seeing it through- you will do things on purpose.
If you still want to set a resolution or goal, let go of January 1st as a start date. Try instead to give yourself a few weeks to set a plan and put in place whatever you need to make that goal easy to achieve. Even try to consider doing small steps to achieve that goal. For example, if your goal is to do daily meditation/prayers/gratitude journaling, set a date to find the app, the journal, or book you need to do it. Then start with a weekly meditation, then do it every other day, then work up to daily. Going from nothing to something is not a fair expectation if you want to build a new habit to promote your emotional health and wellness.
See the opportunity in the challenge. Any changes in your life can be extremely challenging. But improve your ability to find the opportunity in it. If 2020 has taught me anything, it’s that grief/loss/setbacks/trauma is something that almost all of us have experienced. In spite of that, we were resilient, we took care of each other, we connected in new ways, we took a moment (many moments) to appreciate when we could hug each other, gather together, get on a roller coaster, worship together in person, and sit next to each other in the cafeteria. We got SO creative and found ways to bring joy to each other and find joy ourselves. The dark moments were there, but so many of us did our very best to keep finding the light. Remember what you, your children, your families, your colleagues, and your communities did to find light. You have it in you, even as you cried and/or grieved. You can have both of these things. Give yourself permission to feel ALL of it in 2021. It’s what makes us human!
I am so grateful that you took time to read this blog and being here means that you care about emotional health for you and those you care about. My word for 2020 was PERSPECTIVE when it started. It turned out to be so right for me as I moved through the year like all of you. Keeping my perspective really helped ground me when feeling overwhelmed, stressed (yes- psychologists get worried, anxious- all the things. :-)). I hope this blog is helpful to you and I look forward to where things go with it in 2021. My hope is that you all continue to find this community here at The Well Family Spot a place to get and stay well…together! Happy New Year!
