Coping with the Holiday Blues
Hey there! Gather ‘round because we are talking about the end of year emotional rollercoaster that is very common, and possibly more difficult, this year. The “holiday blues” are a real thing and even though many people experience it, many still feel very alone in it. Even in the midst of a pandemic, the commercials and ad marketing around the holidays still focus on gift-giving, loved ones gathering (albeit virtually), and other traditional strategies of pushing the message of togetherness and happiness. But for so many people, the holidays have always been a rough time and this year may be even more difficult. A recent survey of millennials found that 92% of responders to a survey about mental health reported that the covid-19 pandemic has had a negative impact on their mental health. Associated behaviors with this impact included increased alcohol consumption, smoking, vaping, and non-medical drug use among that age group.
While many people are beginning to understand the connection between their physical and mental health, the holiday season also coincides with the onset of colder weather in many places, resulting in less opportunities to go outdoors, be active, and see people in person. Cold and flu season also adds to the need to be vigilant about riding out the winter at home as much as possible. So the holiday blues may be darker than usual for you or someone you may know and love.
So what can you do?
If it’s you that is trying to cope, consider this:
Take a few moments in the next couple of days and just write down what’s on your mind. Type it in the Notes app on your phone, speak it into the voice memo app, or just grab a scrap of paper and jot it down. Really assess for yourself if you are feeling more sad or anxious than usual. Have you been withdrawing? Feeling a sense of dread? Insomnia? These are all signs that you may be dealing with something that may require additional support.
Establish your support team and CONNECT. This may sound corny, but everyone needs a support system. Human connection is probably one of the most profound sources of safety besides food, water, and shelter. Without it, we often struggle to cope when things overwhelm us. And your support system isn’t always necessarily the usual suspects. It may be your neighbor, your mom’s best friend, your cousin, your hair stylist, or barber. Don’t feel guilt if the people you turn to when you feel down is not your mom, dad, partner, etc. The point is to have the “village” in place for when you may need them.
Choose to recognize and build comfort with challenging emotional feelings and reminders. There is a concept in psychology called “radical acceptance” and it generally means that a person accepts a situation, experience, or feeling without judgement of how good or bad it is. The purpose is for people to reduce the urge to judge how they feel as being wrong or right, but just accepting things as is and realizing that emotions are not our enemy. It’s not about ignoring how you feel or trying to pretend that it never happened. It’s more about accepting the fact that there are things that we cannot change and we can continue to find ways to live in a world that can be out of control sometimes.
If you aren’t experiencing the holiday blues, but know someone who may be, here is how you can help them:
Check in with them! Sounds simple, right? You don’t have to call and say “I know this is a hard time of year for you, how are you?” but you can just send a call or text to just say hi and if you know the person well enough, you will get a sense of how they are doing.
Don’t compare. Sometimes when we try to comfort people, we say things like “well it could be worse. Look at so and so’s situation….” That is not helpful and may even sound like you are minimizing that person’s experience.
Remember, you can’t “fix” it. Try to use phrases that offer more support and less solution. That may sound so backwards, but it can be really helpful. Phrases like “That’s so hard,” “I am so sorry you have to go through this,” “Say whatever you feel,” and “I’m here to listen” really go a long way to let people know that you can tolerate hearing their pain. Trying to fix it or come up with a million solutions can make people feel like they can’t just vent and get things out.
If things look bleak, THEN solutions are helpful to offer. If you fear that the person you are supporting is seriously struggling (e.g., abusing substances, engaging in dangerous behaviors, or considering suicide) and may need the help of a therapist or physician, then offering solutions can be helpful. Tell them why you are concerned and maybe offer to make the call with them or even accompany them for an appointment if they agree to make one.
I hope this helps in some way to give you ideas on how to recognize and respond to the challenges that may come along this holiday season. To anyone who is struggling, it doesn’t make you weak, wrong, or unappreciative of your life. It makes you human and as a member of the human race, we all deserve the right to experience the full continuum of human emotion. We also deserve to have the support and resources to get through the dark times. Remember that emotional wellness is not the absence of sadness, grief, pain, or fear. It’s the way we cope and move through them throughout life that fortifies our wellness. Check out the printable below as a guide for this holiday season. So let’s continue to get and stay well…together.
