When Stress becomes Toxic
Hey there! Gather ‘round because we are talking about the difference between stress and toxic stress and how you can increase your awareness about this for you and/or someone you love.
We all experience stress and in healthy circumstances, stress can act as motivator. If you have a pressing deadline to complete a project, preparing for a performance, or have to deal with a challenging social interaction, stress can trigger the energy in your body that you need to face those situations and get to the other side of it. We use the word “stress” so casually, that we may not realize that it’s actually a biological process that, when activated, set off a series of temporary changes in our body so that we can meet the triggering moment and survive it- emphasis on the word temporary.
Stress is not something that anyone should encounter with so much regularity that we remain in some kind of dimmed down level of a panic response in our body. That kind of stress is called chronic stress and recent study in the fields of psychology and medicine have suggested that the cumulative impact of chronic stress on the body is actually toxic.
So what does toxic stress do? There is a great video of the now Surgeon General of California, Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, talking about the long-term impact of chronic exposure to stress. She uses a great metaphor about how our bodies would respond if we were in the forest and suddenly were confronted by a bear. Our fight-flight-freeze system is activated immediately, before we are even aware. That system, when triggered, actually dims down the part of our brain that allows us to plan, consider consequences, or control our impulses. In a moment of sheer terror, we are hardwired as human beings to survive. We don’t have time to consider whether this is a sweet kind bear or an angry attacking bear. We just need to survive! Once we are out of harms way, our miraculous bodies return to a normal state. That nervous system’s survival response shuts off and we can think more clearly and recover.
BUT…as Dr. Burke Harris asks in her talk…”what if the bear comes home at night?” What if you live with the bear? What if sometimes, the bear is as sweet as Winnie the Pooh and other times, it leaves you quivering in fear? If that is your normal life, if the risk of danger is ever present, if your relationships are always hanging on by a thread…how does this constant state of stress wear on you? That survival system- if never turned off- can start to be your normal way of seeing the world and the people around you. You may feel like you are never fully safe. And how that looks in your behavior can show up in a myriad of ways:
Inflammation is linked to the increased secretion of cortisol- the stress hormone, as well as other biological processes that are associated with the stress response.
Toxic stress is the stress that is so chronic, it actually impacts the way information from the world is processed in our brains, which ultimately affects health and well-being. If the part of our brains that is most activated is the survival part, it becomes more mature, more easily activated, because our brains are just smart like that. It adapts to access what is most used in our day to day. This is INCREDIBLY helpful if we live in an environment where we are supposed to be careful. But if we are no longer in those environments, it can sometimes be hard to ascertain if we are really safe if we haven’t had enough exposure to safety. So the brain isn’t broken- it’s operating EXACTLY as it’s supposed to. But that doesn’t mean that we aren’t at risk to the side effects.
Much of what is in the literature on this topic references toxic stress in the context of something called adverse childhood experiences. Studies have found that people that have experienced multiple adverse childhood experiences and haven’t had any interventions to cope with them have a number of preventable physical and psychological health challenges. The relationship between our experiences and our risk for poor health is undeniable. It’s not about something being wrong with me or you or anyone! Nothing is wrong with us. What happens to us and who we are in relationship with is what impacts us more than anything.
So what can you do?
Do a quick relationship inventory check. Assess your current relationships that don’t necessarily ignite the warm feeling of satisfaction. Our children can be stressful, for example, but when you think of them, is resentment popping up? Or dread? And is that the usual feeling you get at the thought of them? If so, don’t waste your time being ashamed of it. That feeling is information. It’s telling you that there is something there that may be worth exploring. What has happened to you in your life that now as a parent, you dread the role that you are in? What thoughts come into your mind that shape how you think of yourself as a parent? Is it a feeling of self-doubt, fear of failure, reminders of something that caused hurt or pain? Take time to think about all your relationships like this and ask yourself if you are truly more satisfied than stressed about those people.
Do a check-in with yourself. Do you notice that you feel fatigued no matter how much sleep you get? Are you constantly fearful, anxious, or sad with little relief? Do you find that you approach your decisions with your guard up all the time- prepared that you will be let down by others or even yourself? Maybe the chronic stressors of your life that may have gone unnoticed resulted in having a hard time trusting and believing that you can and will be safe or that some people actually do care for you and will love you and all your flaws. Maybe that stress has lived in your body for so long that you may have patterns of poor sleep hygiene, inability to manage your emotions, keep a job, or maintain relationships with others. Or perhaps the constant stress has affected your physical health and you are struggling with ailments that are typically associated with inflammation.
Talk to someone that you do trust that can share with you some insight on how they experience you. This can be tough if your circle is very small. But it can be really valuable to have someone that will tell you the truth and not see this as an opportunity to critique you to no end. This type of interaction is best to do with someone that really cares about you and wants to be a part of your healing journey. It might be a friend, a family member, a mentor, or maybe a professional coach or therapist.
Reassess who gets to be around you and what spaces you want to occupy. Say this to yourself: I deserve to be with people and in spaces that bring out my best energy. This is not a statement of boast. It’s a statement of affirmation. For many people that have been impacted by toxic stress, there is a general feeling that life is unpredictable and uncontrollable. This leaves the person experiencing that stress feeling untethered and unsafe. Safety comes through predictability, routine, and a sense of control over your life to some extent. Overcoming the strain of chronic stress requires you to take a hard look about where you spend your time and energy.
While this is just the tip of the iceberg on this topic, it is my hope that this helps your awareness and openness to address the stress that is more than just here and there, but the stress that seems to persist without relief. No one is immune to toxic stress, but all of us have capacity to heal with the right supports in place. Coming to this blog and reading it may have been your first step. Just remember that wellness is a lifelong process. It’s a practice. So let’s continue to get and stay well…together.
